Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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