Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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