I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
