I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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