you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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