I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize