I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
