Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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