you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
