I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize