I'm gonna have a badass scar
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed