my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.