nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon