YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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