My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.