i barfeds in our rink
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions