thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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