Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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