As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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