I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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