I'm so fucking centered right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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