I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
