i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
