yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
