look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
