so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
