Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
