sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
