Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
