A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
