My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
