If that was your dad, he is hot
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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