it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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