I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize