So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
