i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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