Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
