she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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