i think my tv is drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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