You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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