i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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