Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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