Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
