how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
