I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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