my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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