I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
