I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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