No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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