I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
