Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
