Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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