I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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