if you like me you must not know who I am
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
