They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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