Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
