I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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