why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
