I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
