Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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