Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
